Sunday, April 13, 2014

Scandal Commentary: Episode 317: Flesh and Blood

Okay Gladiators,

This week's commentary can be divided into three major categories.  The Sitters, the Ballers and The Felicia List.

The Sitters.  These people need to have one to several, and I do mean, sev-er-al seats.

1. Olivia - for your righteous indignation, hypocrisy and general annoying facial expressions and multitude of A-line coats and window shots.  How you gon' keep running your mouth when you know you made a major mistake in taking down B613? You thought nothing was gonna happen and they were gonna give you a medal? Jake hemmed you up and you still kept yelling! Shut up!!!  And get your mind right when you talk to Mellie. YOU ARE SLEEPING WITH HER HUSBAND.  You need to be meek as a lamb when you talk to her and not all up in her face.  She is going to growl at you soon, and that ish will not be pretty.   And how you gon' act shocked when your daddy killed that man in your office?  You have gone way past regular folks' office decorum in that space.  People have bumped uglies, gotten drugged and all other types of shenanigans up and through there.  You better hope your landlord doesn't charge for cleanup.

2.  Huck and Quinn.  (Most uncomfortable scene of the whole series). I knew this was bound to happen, but in a parking garage???? When y'all supposed to be eyes akimbo looking for Maya Pope? But now that Huck and Quinn have knocked boots (and I mean this literally), y'all all know that Charlie is going to have to die.

3.  Fitz - how you gon' be mad because Liv and Jake slept together?  And when somebody tells you to stay in the White House, stay in the White House!!

4.  Jake - you just HAD to let folks know that you had Biblical knowledge of Liv.  Whatevs.  And you are STILL letting her pimp you.  You need to get written up for being the WACKEST Command ever.

Now, on to the Ballers.  These people ain't got to apologize for NATHAN!!!

1. Mellie - my girl said to hell with all y'all.  I'm gettin' drunk, long hair don't care!  Y'all took my boo and my dignity.  IT'S HER TURN!!!!!!

2.  Little Jerry's girlfriend - they need to look into recruiting her for B613 b/c that chickadee takes NO prisoners.

3.  Cyrus - seems as though he's shaken back from the grief and is BACK!!!!  Sally, you thank me for getting you out of a murder charge by running against my president?  Okay.  Go on to the church...

4.  Quinn - although she kinda did need to have a seat, she straight up owned Huck!

5.  Daddy Pope - they played James Brown's "Superbad" as he walked into OPA and he is indeed, Superbad.  You took my boo, and so now I have to kill you.  Olivia, it's me or Jake..... If they made a show just about him and Maya Pope, I would stop watching Scandal and start watching it POSTHASTE!

6.  Maya Pope - she does all that devilment and don't even unbutton her coat.  Go girl!

The Felicia List.  Some of these people are literally gone or about to be gone, or they are wrong for some of their actions.

1.  Charlie - you knew from the start that Huck was Quinn's Batman.  Nice knowing you, but you gon' die.

2.  Dominic - you were about that life for a long time, but you underestimated Maya's coldness or her love for her daughter.

3.  Maya Pope - we need your backstory, because you are cold as ICE.

4.  Fitz - quit brooding like a little boy and man up ?  I don't even want to vote for you for President.

5.  Jake - do you think Eli ever chased some chick that continually pimps him and sells him out?  No, that's why you keep getting played by Liv.  SHE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!

6.  Sally - we are all a little tired of you.

7.  Andrew - you shouldn't have shunned Mellie.  Bye-bye.

8.  Leo - I hope you got ole girl into Harvard, cause you about to be gone pecan.

The season finale is this Thursday.  We will see how this wraps itself up...

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